It’s So My Mom.

Not all ice queens are born that way. We’re made.

A couple years ago, during one proselytizing session on the importance of choosing a lifelong mate carefully, my mom divulged her belief that my father spent some time with his ex-wife after my mom and dad were married. I wanted to believe she was just being crazy ‘ol mom, but really, only she and he know the truth. One of them more than the other.

Women get billed as being crazy when a good part of the time, it’s our gut instinct telling us something isn’t right. And then we investigate, and all hell breaks loose.

If we choose to stay in a relationship after lies and deceptions have been revealed, we’re bound to be a bit bitter. Maybe that’s what happened to my mom. Now that I’m in a similar situation, I can’t help but think—what if I end up like her?

I’m not becoming my mom so much as empathizing with her. Here’s a big fat “You were right mom.” That’s a bit vague, only if you’re not a woman.

Stumbled across this article form a new Texas-based Webzine called Totally Her. It’s called “How My Mother Helped Me Choose the Right Man.” About the best ways our moms can advise us on our relationships. This is awesome, practical, and shows why mom really does know best after all. But really, a lifetime of example says even more.

In the end, no relationship is perfect. You have to choose what faults you’ll live with. My mom should have married a Christian man with a lot of money. The kind that wouldn’t mind my Alzhemeric grandmother movin’ in.

I’m still deciding what, if anything, I’m willing to put up with.

Image via Wikipedia

… Partially because they’re not my mom (even though they may be turning into their own). When my girlfriends forwarded me this cheesy story by Cosmopolitan on “Love Lessons from Sex and the City,” I started to think how I could exploit it for my blog. Easy: If Candace Bushnell got her Cosmo-sanctioned say about how to find the modern “happily ever after” via SATC scripted relationships, I can relay the dissimilar voice of Mom.

Cosmo says this about the case study of Miranda and Steve: “Miranda could have deleted his number from her BlackBerry [isn’t this a picturesque detail? 'Who needs a man when you practically are one? Go Girl!' Blech.] but ultimately, his laid-back personality and devotion won her over. …Lesson #1: Date against your type.”

What would my mom say about Steve if he were my boyfriend?

“He’s a BARTENDER?”

“Wasn’t dad a bartender after college?”

“Your FATHER only married me because I was [open open air quotes] ‘gainfully employed’ [close open air quotes].”

(This is how I escape the rest of the conversation.)

Cosmo says Charlotte and Trey’s case study ultimately recommends to “never ignore the signs that tell you a relationship isn’t working.” But if I complained to my mother that my handsome doctor husband had penis problems? Forget it. I’d never talk to my mom about a penis. As far as we’re both concerned, my father doesn’t have one.

Whose reasoning do I side with? I will tell you this: The Cosmo write-up levied unfavorable judgment against Carrie’s relationship with Aidan, saying “she attempted to change by quitting smoking (and nixing her addiction to Mr. Big).” “Never change for a man,” rationalizes Cosmothink.

Right. Because quitting smoking is a horrible thing to do. And I don’t think you can classify sleeping with your ex as “nixing” your addiction to them.

Honestly … grown-ups work at things. I think my mom might halfway agree.