It’s So My Mom.

A perfect example of how I will never, ever turn completely into my mom (I mean, really, these interludes offer me a shiny beacon of sanity and salvation).

Los Angeles-based writer Seth Grahame-Smith will release new book “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” on April 15. The succinct publisher summary: “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies features the original text of Jane Austen’s beloved novel with all-new scenes of bone-crunching zombie action.” (Jane Austen must be turning in her grave; she’s actually co-billed with Grahame-Smith on the cover, like she consented to this.)

My mom would have reacted like most of these women on Trashionista. I just recently learned of her love of Victorian, Elizabethan period pieces. That fits. But I honestly haven’t seen my mom read anything but the Bible and fashion magazines since, well, ever.

Conversely, I have a deep-rooted dread for the original chick-lit.

Whenever I’m dragged to Anne Hathaway’s latest silver screen period piece, I interject my own Mystery Science Theatre 3000-type dialogue to help bring the storyline into the 21st century (and cure my boredom). The last one she was in also featured a lad with an unfortunately stereotypical English face–that sort of retarded, drooling look–so I took to exclaiming, “Cousin Gooba [Goober]!” at every one of his cameos.

My friend Shanel was not happy. But at least I distinguished my singular and autonomous identity.